A few weeks ago I read Solo Poly’s blog on the Do’s and Don’ts for non-primary relationships. Poly Weekly also did an episode about the post. It was very well put together, and a great read.
I passed the link to my boyfriend, telling him that he was just about perfect as far as the list is concerned. The next time he saw me, he apologized for, as far as I was concerned, not being completely perfect on one of the items on the list.
The Do’s and Don’t aren’t a black and white list. Though missing any one point can cause severe problems, there is a wide range of acceptable. As was nicely explained on Poly Weekly, we know we’re not your primary relationship, we don’t expect to come first…we may even expect to never come first…but as long as you don’t forget about us, we’ll probably be ok (though it is really nice when we do come first on occasion).
While my boyfriend is my first truly poly relationship, I’ve had other mono or “fuzzy” relationships, none of which were really all that great in comparison, and it’s very clear to see looking at this list. As Minx said on Poly Weekly, sometimes that’s ok, (specifically referring to #5 “Embrace your partner’s world”). The relationship will likely not go very far, or last very long, but it can sometimes be nice to have someone you only get together with in isolation.