I’ve flung myself into the online polyamory community, and have become a poly activist in the past couple months…but always felt kind of bad, because while I generally have great relationship communication, I let the communication in one of my relationships fall way behind where it should be, especially for my expectation of myself as poly. I have to admit, I didn’t really know where the relationship stood, how much time he wanted, what he expected of our relationship, and even what he knew or wondered about the rest of my recently expanded poly life.
This week, we talked. It turned out, our expectations and desires for our relationship were exactly the same. Our typical date structure, with a new slight tweak, fit us both perfectly. Our communication is still below that of my ideal, but it made a huge stride forward, and I know exactly how I need to work on improving my own communication.
I had let this relationship fall to the back burner because I was in the throws of NRE with my new primary. While there’s still a bit of NRE with him, I’ve finally become unblinded, and rekindled my secondary relationship that I had let fall to the wayside.
Reading blogs and listening to podcasts, I’ve heard that it is common to get caught up in NRE to the sacrifice of your existing relationship(s). I knew I was guilty of that, but only now did I realize how far I’d let it go. But really, this is another piece of magic about polyamory. While a good conversation can improve a monogamous relationship, the shifting of focus, and the juggling of trying to keep all the relationships in the air each to their own extent creates a special avenue for communication and happiness that just isn’t possible in monogamy.