One of my favorite things about polyamory is that you’re allowed to have multiple, different, relationships. Each of these relationships can be very unique from one another. The Ethical Slut puts it,
You may find yourself playing out different roles, indeed feeling like a somewhat different person, with different partners. With one partner you might feel young and vulnerable and protected; with another, you are earth mother. With one lover you might feel careful and solid and safe, with another you might be dashing and reckless. These boundaries may seem unfamiliar or confusing when we don’t have much experience with living in multiple relationships.
We can welcome each of our partners for precisely who they are: we don’t need them to be anybody else or to bring us any particular resources or skills. If you don’t want to play tennis with me, I’ll ask somebody else, and if you don’t want to play bondage games with me, again, somebody else will – our relationship will not be less for it.
Relationships are full of compromises, so why compromise with unshared interests? Society says that if you don’t share the same hobbies, that’s fine, but if you don’t share the same interests in the bedroom, then too bad, “cheating” is not allowed.
I’ve found that the two most successful relationships I’ve had have been with guys who, all things considered, I didn’t have a lot in common with. They’re introverted home-bodies who play video games and don’t drink alcohol. Yet nevertheless, the passion and devotion is there, perhaps because we have the freedom and independence to pursue our passions and hobbies as we wish, while not dragging them along, too much at least. Maybe some day I’ll find someone I share more personality traits and hobbies with, but so far, I’ve been very successful with these awesome guys.
The thrill of the chase is also too fun to pass up after you’ve married the love of your life.
This is something in Ethical Slut that I think would be hilarious to try!
Dossie was once out on a date with a longtime lover of hers when she noticed an attractive person trying to catch her eye behind her date’s back. She explained the situation to her date, who had a stroke of genius. He strode over to the young man in question and with great dignity announced, “My lady would like you to have her phone number.” The young man looked terrified at the time, but he called the next morning. Dossie has made use of this strategy repeatedly since then and recommends it highly: they always call!