Putting Yourself First

In my own life, I am very determined, self-assured, confident, and a go-getter. I don’t hesitate to make the first move with someone I’m interested in. However, past date one, I tend to turn into a puppy on a leash, unsure where to go unless being led. This has caused problems in relationships probably more often than I’m even aware of.

Even if I’m not a dom, I need to stand my ground in relationships. I need to voice my preferences every so often. I need to not have the relationship get in the way of my professional life.

The Ethical Slut puts it very well,

A great many people do believe that to be single is to be somehow incomplete and that they need to find their “other half.”…We believe, on the other hand, that the fundamental sexual unit is one person; adding more people to that unit may be intimate, fun, and companionable, but does not complete anybody The only thing in this world that you can control is yourself – your own reactions, desires and behaviors. Thus, a fundamental step in ethical sluthood is to bring your locus of control into yourself, to recognize the difference between your “stuff” and other people’s; when you do this, you become able to complete yourself – that’s why we call this “integrity.”

When I am in a “lost puppy” sort of relationship, I feel like I, at least to a small extent, look for that lead outside of the relationship. I am a whole person, I shouldn’t NEED anyone. It felt weird to realize that my ex wasn’t there for me after he broke up with me back in June, but I realized, I don’t need anyone but me!

My new relationship is unlike anything I’ve ever experienced before. Though I’ve dated a few subs before, he’s the subbiest of the subs, which puts me into a more dominant role. I generally lead the conversation, I generally pick the movie…and that’s not even talking about in the bedroom. This relationship, for once, doesn’t turn me into a puppy….well, in a way, but not the sort of puppy that is afraid to lead the way. It’s an interesting position, being in the leading role. It feels a little bit uncomfortable, but I think it is good for me, and I’m getting used to it, and really liking it! (Or maybe that’s just him :D)

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