Poly Means You Have A Fall Back/Breakups Suck

Many mono people think that this is true. I suppose in a way it is…you still have someone you can bring to the wedding as your date. But in reality, each relationship is unique and special. Each of my relationships is valuable to me in its own way. It still sucks when relationships end…

Since February, I’ve gone through 7 breakups. Ok, fine, most of these weren’t really “breakups” per se; there was a very wide range of experiences and situations. 2 were my choice, 3 were not my choice, 2 were more or less mutual.

Only one resulted in tears, and I was lucky enough to have my boyfriend to hold me for the hour afterward. While some were harder than others, I do actually think it was easier for me living through these breakups while I had my boyfriend around. In some cases, I went to him for support, but most of the time, it simply made me feel less alone. If I were mono dating, looking for my one and only, it would probably be much harder to go through these breakups. However, I knew none of these guys would be even a “primary” much less an “only,” and I’m sure that made it easier.

Ending of long-term serious loving relationships is especially hard, and in that case, I really don’t think your other lovers are thought of as “fall-backs” but merely as pillars of support, just like friends would be. However, in the case of dating, I do believe that having at least one continuous loving partner makes it easier to stay optimistic when the dating gets rough. I still think I’m going to take a bit of a break from dating so many people, because 7 rejections/breakups have indeed taken its toll. However, once I spend a little more time catching up on “me,” I’ll get back in the saddle, with my boyfriend by my side.

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One Response to Poly Means You Have A Fall Back/Breakups Suck

  1. Yeah, that perspective held by mono people is one of the reasons why many think poly people don’t value their relationships so much. It’s amazing how some people don’t understand that it is possible to (romantically) love more than one person at a time. My partner and another partner of his had broken up a couple months ago. We’d been a mini “tribe” of sorts, so it hit me a bit hard, too. And while it’s true my partner and I still had each other, the break-up was still rough.

    Good post and best of luck to ya 🙂 Full support for full support, eh?

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