Queer

I’ve noticed a lot of blogs lately talking about how poly people identifying as “queer” is wrong, and that they should not equate themselves with the LGBT community, since LGBT people have suffered so much more than poly people ever have, e.g. LGBT people have been killed, but poly people “only” have gotten their children taken away.

I don’t actively consider myself “queer” for being poly, but I do sort of like that label.

However, I do have a problem with people saying that poly is more acceptable than LGBT. When I came out to my mom, she said she’d wished I’d come out as lesbian, as it would have been a lot easier to deal with. Other poly people I know got the same reaction when they came out to their parents.

I’ll admit that it’s easier to hide as a straight poly person than as a gay or lesbian. I can bring my boyfriend as a date, and if he takes off his ring, it looks like we’re completely normal. I have yet to really be in the situation where bringing more than one date would be appropriate (given interest/availability of my partners), but in that scenario, it would be perhaps similar to being gay or lesbian.

The point is though, I DON’T WANT TO HIDE! I just got a new job, and I’m 99% sure that they’d be cool with my being poly, but I don’t want to come out too soon. Today, we were talking about sleep habits and whatnot. I mentioned that I tend to wake up when my boyfriend rolls over in bed. I later told them about “another….guy….I know”‘s experience with his iPhone app tracking his sleep cycles. I don’t know why I feel strange calling him my “friend,” but I do. I wanted to continue the story, something about sleeping in the same bed with him, but I didn’t want to portray him as an ex either. I ended up mainly talking about the app, not about any particular sleep habits.

Gay marriage was legalized in Minnesota today, and though I’m not necessarily for legalization of polyamory, I think it still has a long way to go until it reaches the cultural acceptance as homosexuality.

I don’t mean this to be a whiney rant, but at least in my experience, it’s much more normal to see two men kissing, than a triad acting obvious in public.

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2 Responses to Queer

  1. Cajo says:

    Queer is by no means anyone’s exclusive term. I think poly people definitely have a claim to use it. It’s not going to fit everyone, obviously, and I know a lot of LGBT folks who do not associate themselves with the label. I think identifying as queer reveals a lot about how the person using it sees themselves. It’s quite a political statement: I am queer. I subvert the mainstream ideas about relationships and sexuality and gender that are prevalent in society today, and I am proud of it! Several of my bisexual friends are also poly, and that is how they understand their own sexual orientation. I am on the other side of the spectrum (closer to demi-sexual), so it’s not something I totally understand, but if the way they understand their bisexuality means they are happier in a triad or other form of relationship, then props to them as long as they aren’t hurting anyone (just like any other relationship ever).

  2. mellogirl says:

    I agree that at least here in Minnesota it seems like I encounter more objection to my poly status than to my sexual orientation. I could kiss my girlfriend in public and hardly ever encounter any hostility. With my girlfriend and boyfriend just referring to them as such in a conversation almost always results in negative comments. My mother who never really was comfortable when I had a girlfriend in a longterm monogamous relationship now says she wishes I would just find a “nice girl OR guy”.

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