I just joined a book club, and I have to say, it’s got to be one of the best book clubs around. My local Planned Parenthood hosts a book club, and we just finished reading Bonk: The Curious Coupling of Science and Sex by Mary Roach. Though I admittedly still have yet to finish the book, since I’m still digging myself out of the hole of things left undone in the past few months, it is a very enthralling read. There are some things that make you squirm (some people have legitimately had urethra sex), some things that make you laugh out loud (studies about ridiculous ways to make women more orgasmic), and some things that make you wish you were a scientist (or friends with one) (people having sex in an MRI). It is definitely near the top of my favorite books list. You will walk away with an enormous amount of sexual trivia to stun your friends.
At the book club meeting, we got rather sidetracked, as the most talkative woman didn’t actually read the book. Somehow we got talking about online dating. The general consensus was that online dating is ridiculous, and something reserved for desperate people. I had to speak up, so I said that I met my boyfriend on OkCupid. I explained how it works, and how it facilitates making a good match through asking questions about every aspect of life. We were around a 98% match, and I knew quite a bit about him from his profile before we met. The other people at book club asked what we talked about on our first date if we already knew all about each other. I told them we talked about our sexual histories. Their jaws literally dropped. Yeah, I’ve got the best boyfriend ever. 😀
That also made me think about numbers. Only 8 months ago, I was nervous to ask the guy I was seeing how many people he’d slept with. I didn’t know if it was acceptable or not to ask, I didn’t know if he would lie. I had a vague idea of his history, but really didn’t know how many. I worried about asking him, wondering what he’d think of me. Since, however, I’ve gotten into the habit of asking everyone. I want to know numbers and potential recent high-risk behaviors. I want to know experience and likes and dislikes. None of these answers will necessarily prove vetoable, I just feel that I am entitled to know before I have sex with anyone. This may not fit into mainstream sex culture, but it is my way of doing things, and my way of promoting sex positivity, even if it’s just within a small circle of people.