A study I recently heard about doesn’t surprise me one bit, though may be an interesting perspective for monogamous people.
Is monogamy better than non-monogamy? It is currently the only culturally accepted relationship structure, however, it is difficult to justify. A recent study concluded that there is no evidence to suggest that monogamy is more satisfying than consensual non-monogamy.
Yet again, it is pointed out that CNM individuals practice safer sex more than people in monogamous relationships, many of whom are at some point sexually unfaithful. Thus, it has been shown that STIs are actually more common among individuals who identify as monogamous.
Another benefit of CNM is the reduced jealousy. Humans are not meant to be a monogamous species (see the book Sex at Dawn), and most people in a monogamous relationship will at some point want to explore their sexuality with another partner. To quote the McGill Daily, “For the better part of a year, I barely considered dating or sleeping with other people, but the fact that the option existed was hard to ignore. When friends complained of being attracted to people outside their relationships, or of their fear of commitment to a single person, I couldn’t help but feel a bit smug.” Jealousy can be a legitimate emotion, within reason. Is your partner having sex with someone else, for example on a business trip, in itself cause for extreme jealousy? Or is it really just human nature, and something to be discussed?
CNM people accept their partner following their desires, usually with consistent communication. CNM generally results in partners being much more open and honest about their desires than most monogamous couples, which ultimately results in equal (if not greater) relationship satisfaction.
A recent post on OpeningUp.net was about a teen’s experience in lowering her jealousy. She was poly, and worked on eliminating her feelings of jealousy, and scored exceptionally low on a jealousy survey. She was proud of this, and found it useful since she found jealousy to be “a counterproductive emotion.”