First Love

I am in love. I have been in love twice before, but never has it been like this. I’ve known love to be overpowering and cozy, but never before did it feel secure or exhilarating.

The first time I was in love it was with a friend. I knew there was little to no chance of us getting together, but I knew that since we were close enough friends, it had little chance of significantly affecting our relationship. I did think about him a lot, and eventually told him. As predicted, we never got together, but we are still very close friends. I still love him, but as a friend.

The second time was with a more casual relationship. When I told him I loved him, he reacted mostly positively, though didn’t say it back. We never said “I love you” to each other, though after a bit more time, the relationship solidified further. We knew we loved each other, but we weren’t truly “in love,” so didn’t ever bring it up.

Nearly every time I’m in a physical relationship of any kind with someone, I imagine him with me when I’m alone. When I’m in love, I have a stronger feeling of him being nearby, and generally think about it more often. This time though, there is another piece that I’ve never felt before. Only more recently have I had an exceptionally strong “warm fuzzy” feeling nearly all the time. It is extremely easy for me to imagine that he’s here with me. But most of all, there’s a feeling that I’m loved too. I’ve never been loved by anyone like this.

When I was feeling particularly fuzzy the other day, and just wanted to curl up with a chick flick, I wanted to watch something where two strangers meet and end up getting married (or something like that), with minimal drama. I wanted to watch a movie about my relationship. But even in my fairly large collection of romantic comedies, I couldn’t find anything of the sort. Is this really my first relationship that is too boring to be a movie? Yet it’s by far the best relationship I’ve ever had! I ended up popping in The Holiday, because although the relationships in no way really parallel mine, it’s one of my favorites. By the end, when everyone is happy and dancing together, I could feel my boyfriend’s presence incredibly strongly. I could really feel that he loved me.

I’ve felt warm and fuzzy after watching romantic comedies before – that’s part of why I have so many…but never has the feeling been anywhere near this intense.

The amazing thing is, that I can be completely drunk with love one moment, and completely present in a totally unrelated conversation the next. It is so comfortable, so perfect. This is what love is supposed to feel like.

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