Queer

I’ve noticed a lot of blogs lately talking about how poly people identifying as “queer” is wrong, and that they should not equate themselves with the LGBT community, since LGBT people have suffered so much more than poly people ever have, e.g. LGBT people have been killed, but poly people “only” have gotten their children taken away.

I don’t actively consider myself “queer” for being poly, but I do sort of like that label.

However, I do have a problem with people saying that poly is more acceptable than LGBT. When I came out to my mom, she said she’d wished I’d come out as lesbian, as it would have been a lot easier to deal with. Other poly people I know got the same reaction when they came out to their parents.

I’ll admit that it’s easier to hide as a straight poly person than as a gay or lesbian. I can bring my boyfriend as a date, and if he takes off his ring, it looks like we’re completely normal. I have yet to really be in the situation where bringing more than one date would be appropriate (given interest/availability of my partners), but in that scenario, it would be perhaps similar to being gay or lesbian.

The point is though, I DON’T WANT TO HIDE! I just got a new job, and I’m 99% sure that they’d be cool with my being poly, but I don’t want to come out too soon. Today, we were talking about sleep habits and whatnot. I mentioned that I tend to wake up when my boyfriend rolls over in bed. I later told them about “another….guy….I know”‘s experience with his iPhone app tracking his sleep cycles. I don’t know why I feel strange calling him my “friend,” but I do. I wanted to continue the story, something about sleeping in the same bed with him, but I didn’t want to portray him as an ex either. I ended up mainly talking about the app, not about any particular sleep habits.

Gay marriage was legalized in Minnesota today, and though I’m not necessarily for legalization of polyamory, I think it still has a long way to go until it reaches the cultural acceptance as homosexuality.

I don’t mean this to be a whiney rant, but at least in my experience, it’s much more normal to see two men kissing, than a triad acting obvious in public.

Book Club

I just joined a book club, and I have to say, it’s got to be one of the best book clubs around. My local Planned Parenthood hosts a book club, and we just finished reading Bonk: The Curious Coupling of Science and Sex by Mary Roach. Though I admittedly still have yet to finish the book, since I’m still digging myself out of the hole of things left undone in the past few months, it is a very enthralling read. There are some things that make you squirm (some people have legitimately had urethra sex), some things that make you laugh out loud (studies about ridiculous ways to make women more orgasmic), and some things that make you wish you were a scientist (or friends with one) (people having sex in an MRI). It is definitely near the top of my favorite books list. You will walk away with an enormous amount of sexual trivia to stun your friends.

At the book club meeting, we got rather sidetracked, as the most talkative woman didn’t actually read the book. Somehow we got talking about online dating. The general consensus was that online dating is ridiculous, and something reserved for desperate people. I had to speak up, so I said that I met my boyfriend on OkCupid. I explained how it works, and how it facilitates making a good match through asking questions about every aspect of life. We were around a 98% match, and I knew quite a bit about him from his profile before we met. The other people at book club asked what we talked about on our first date if we already knew all about each other. I told them we talked about our sexual histories. Their jaws literally dropped. Yeah, I’ve got the best boyfriend ever.

That also made me think about numbers. Only 8 months ago, I was nervous to ask the guy I was seeing how many people he’d slept with. I didn’t know if it was acceptable or not to ask, I didn’t know if he would lie. I had a vague idea of his history, but really didn’t know how many. I worried about asking him, wondering what he’d think of me. Since, however, I’ve gotten into the habit of asking everyone. I want to know numbers and potential recent high-risk behaviors. I want to know experience and likes and dislikes. None of these answers will necessarily prove vetoable, I just feel that I am entitled to know before I have sex with anyone. This may not fit into mainstream sex culture, but it is my way of doing things, and my way of promoting sex positivity, even if it’s just within a small circle of people.

Catch My Breath

From Kelly Clarkson “Catch My Breath”

I don’t wanna hide all my love
Just because I have two lovers
Who love each other and me alike
I’ve spent most of my life
Riding waves, playing acrobat
Secretly hiding the other half
Learning how to react
I’ve spent most of my time

Catching my breath, letting it go, turning my cheek for the sake of the scene
Now that you know, this is my life, I won’t be told what’s supposed to be right

Catch my breath, no one can hold me back, I ain’t got time for that
Catch my breath, won’t let them get me down, it’s all so simple now

Addicted to the love I found
Guilty heart, now a weightless cloud
Making time for the ones that count
I’ll spend the rest of my time
Laughing hard with the windows down
Leaving footprints all over town
Holding hands yeah with all of us
I’ll spent the rest of my life

~Chorus~

You helped me see
The beauty in everything

~Chorus~

Compersion

I haven’t really felt compersion. Well, maybe, did it count when I was happy to sit in the ER waiting room for hours as my boyfriend was sitting at my metamour’s side? While I am jealous for time and occasionally at boundaries placed on my relationships, I’m rarely otherwise jealous. Yet you hear so much among poly people about compersion being the best part of poly. That is why, though I don’t really identify with the details of it, this post really resonated with me.

A few weeks ago I felt a bit of compersion for the first time. My boyfriend was telling me how it could be hypothetically fun to go out to a club and have a one-night-stand. The entirety of the emotion I felt was, “yeah! That sounds like fun! You should do it!”

I haven’t really been in a position where an established partner of mine has been seeking out a new relationship. Most of my harem have their own pre-existing relationships, and are “full up” after me. However, one of my harem told me about a girl he was crushing on. He asked me if it was weird for me to hear him talk about her – on the contrary! I finally had a chance to cross my fingers for my partner!

I got the job!

I got the job I applied for! It seems super sweet, pays well, and is really close to my new apartment that I sign the lease for tomorrow! Things have ended up awesome and the time of transition is wrapping up and I’ll be able to sit down and blog again for real before too long!

Crazy NRE With You

Based on the classic, Britney Spears’ “Hit Me Baby One More Time” about the new boy on my mind

Oh baby baby
How was I supposed to know
That we would click so fast yeah
Oh baby baby
I couldn’t wait to meet you
And now you’re out of sight yeah
Show me how you want it to be
Tell me baby cause I need to know now oh because

My excitement is killing me
(And I)
I must confess I do believe
When I’m texting you I lose my mind
Come over now!
Crazy NRE with you

Oh baby baby
The reason I breathe is you
Boy you got me blinded
Oh pretty baby
The other boys are put behind
It’s not the way I planned it
Show me how you want it to be
Tell me baby cause I need to know now oh because

~Chorus~

Oh baby baby how was I supposed to know
Oh pretty baby I couldn’t wait to meet you
I must confess that my excitement is killing me now
Don’t you know I do believe
That you will be here
And have sex with me
Crazy NRE with you

Intense State of Transition

An acquaintance once used the phrase “my life is in an intense state of transition”…while my transition doesn’t even compare to hers, I feel that phrase fits my present situation quite well. I doubled the number of men I’m involved with, am moving 50 miles away to be closer to most of them and to generally make a much need change in scenery for myself, and looking for a new job in a new field.

Last week, I went on two first dates, had my first interviews, and made my first phone calls inquiring about apartments for rent. This resulted in a brief breakdown of sorts……I’m not one to break down easily!

This week, my lovelife feels more manageable, even though by most people’s standards is through the roof of insanity. I found an apartment and will be moving soon. I also have multiple good job leads.

While of course my harem is very supportive through all this, the person that has had the greatest impact on my sanity and provided the highest level of support is my boss at my current job. How could you ask for someone you can talk to about polyamory, someone who actively helps you in your job search, and offers to help you move…and your boss to boot. I’m too exited about this intense transition to really feel that sad, but no matter where I end up, I will definitely miss seeing my boss, my friend, every day.